or, The Great Disney DivorceA friend of mine is renewing her vows with her husband this weekend. She tells me that the pastor wants to include in his sermon a list of appalling statistics on the rate of divorce and marriage in America. As her MOH, I gave my support on her thoughts about it. (I wouldn't want talks about divorce on my wedding day either.) Apart from my opinions on that piece, that got me thinking. Why are there so many? What’s happening? Is the entertainment industry solely to blame?
Perhaps if the timeframe of Disney films lasted long enough, we might catch a glimpse of some Johnny Cochran-esque divorce lawyers rising up to defend such innocents as Cinderella, Snow White, or Belle (of Beauty and the Beast). And to be fair to the gents, they’d have their lawyers too.
But perhaps if Sleeping Beauty had some pre-marital counseling she wouldn’t have married the first guy she saw when she woke out of slumber. Perhaps Cinderella might have been coaxed to find out more about her Perfect Prince besides the fact that his name was Charming (literally) and he had her shoe… Questions such as ‘What kind of toppings do you like on your pizza?’ ‘Are you a meat-eater?’ (or in Ariel’s case, ‘Do you eat fish?’) may not have been completely apropos for a film, but nonetheless more helpful than just a timid kiss. Granted, it’s a few steps down from asking serious theological or otherwise telling questions, and fewer steps down from a detailed personality profile (I have my own thoughts on the popularized eHarmony.com's, but perhaps if Belle had run a 16PF on Beastie she might have found out more than the fact that there was a heart behind all that fur.)
To be fair to Walt and his celebrated legacy, he is not the only purveyor of false ideas of courtship and marriage. HBO, Cinemax, UPN, FOX, you name it, the networks have done it. Tasteless (just my opinion) chick flicks and romantic comedies make kissing a stranger on the street something to aspire to. Few of these films give the full scope of the things that long-term relationships require, not to mention that they often depict infidelity as a common or necessary ingredient to pursing personal happiness.
This is not meant to be a tirade against the entertainment industry… and granted, they are not responsible for all marriages and divorces. My intent is not to bash movies (especially not just Disney.) But I want to point to the fact that whatever or whoever has convinced us that marriage is simple and sweet has put us on a collision course with the sharp edge of reality.
Yet we do not need movies to tell us about the difficulties of marriage. The chances of being effected by divorce (either personally or through someone you know well) are astounding: roughly 74% of the American population went through a divorce as of mid 2005.
(Click here for source.) What’s my point? I’m not sure. I’m certainly not advocating the avoidance of marriage. When it comes down to it I believe that marriage is a sacred and beautiful institution. … …
I want to speak here about spiritual divorce. Christ invites us into a marital relationship with Him. The church has been likened to the bride, and Christ as her Husband (
Check this out by reading Ephesians 5, last 10 verses.) Spiritual pre-marital (and "in-vivo") counseling, if you will, may come in handy when the rose-colored glasses cease to distort the image. Because if the foundations are found to be lacking, the entire thing collapses on itself. For those of you who have seen it (or experienced it firsthand) it is not pretty.
I must go and this has become far longer than I'm comfortable with. Some conclusions:
Have we presented a Disney view of Christianity to others? A road paved and perfect, devoid of trials and humbling setbacks? It is clear that the leaders of the church indeed must not speak words of discouragement... This does not mean that we will never feel discouraged. But by our example and in our humility we can display God’s strength in all our weaknesses. Christianity is by no means an analgesic or an "opiate for the masses." It is not a band-aid. Christ never offered a trouble-free life. Instead He told us to count the cost.
A relationship with God is one of discipleship. This requires commitment and guidance… an ability to not only follow but to lead. I’ve seen too many instances when I myself have failed to encourage and support and have torn down instead of built up. It’s easy in our spiritual knowledge to display skepticism or speak words of discouragement. I’m not certain if this is the way things ought to be done. Do you? Spiritual knowledge should yield increased empathy and love instead of a mere increase in scholarship and a fine-tuned ministry, and certainly not an increase in the ability to judge others.
And yet where are the examples? Where are those who keep the commandments of God and the faith of Jesus (Rev. 14:12)? When the Son of Man cometh, will He find faith on earth (Luke 18:8)?
And on the other hand, are we looking to satisfy ourselves with human relationships devoid of Christ? The bottom line is that Christ is the best satisfier of our needs. He is the first, the last, the best. He is the One. And without Him, nothing can be made that has been made. Yeah? Yeah.
He is my true love. Seek Him first, and He will fulfil the desires of your heart. (Psalm 37:4)
Do you believe..?
Comments (7)
In working at an asian health clinic in NYC (CBWCHC) this past summer, I was shocked to find out how high the divorce rates for Asian American families in NYC are. Evidently, there's a lot of cultural contribution to divorce as well... that isn't spawned by AMERICAN cultural norms. A lot of these families don't enter into marriage out of airy-fairy Disneyesque conceptions but by other pressures: convenience, economic ladder climbing, etc. (Interestingly enough, the incidence of depression in Asian-American families in the NYC area is HIGHER than that of the average "white" population... though one would expect the opposite from the oft-touted stereotype of the "Prozac Nation")
In a nutshell, you're right; even though the causes of divorce/infidelity/depression are as diverse as there are people, Jesus must be at the center if there is to be any hope of reconciliation and redemption for marriage... or anything else in life.
the disney thing just started as a segway into the a ramble about example-setting. Obviously, there are other causes for divorce not touched upon. Especially for Asian-Americans, for reasons that seem like there are too many to count. We're a stubborn and bull-headed race. And most of the time I am very proud of it. (the race, not the bull-headedness.) I got carried away rambling about Disney. I'll be more careful next time. =)
thanks for your thoughts. Christ is truly the center, and thus our understanding of Him and our reflection of Him is as crucial to ourselves as it is to society...
Jensa, what disturbs me the most are the deliberate divorces within the Church. In the church I last attended, a good church, steadily set on Bibical principles, there were several divorces. The divorces occured not because of any infidelity on the partner's part, but because the "Christian" became unhappy with him or her and just, well, changed partners, like in a square dance. One woman married someone much younger than herself. Had a big wedding, Jewish style, in the church, and everyone was happy for her (her previous husband had committed suicide). After 3 months, she divorced him. She remarried, and divorced him. She is now married a third time. Still goes to church, still purports to know Scripture, and says she tries to please God. There was a man in this church whom, towards the end of the church's life, was appointed deacon. He was on his 5th wife. After this, the pastor divorced his wife and married a member of the congregation who had had a husband and 3 small children. I could tell you more, there were others.
My main problem is that the other Christians, the stable ones, seem to see nothing wrong in this behavior, and just love these people anyway. They are probably right. I just find it difficult to take these gay divorcees seriously. I really do. The pastor? I would never put myself under his authority again.
Oh, and SickBoy 86 is okay. He is not a Christian, but he is very respectful of me, and really listens to what I say in my comments on his site and on Theologian's Cafe. I consider him to be my friend. I'm a lot older than you, tho, as I'm 57 in July. He could be one of my sons. I wouldn't mind if he was.
Jensa, I know it's late--or early, depending on how you look at it. I couldn't sleep, tho, so I tho't I would take advantage of your post to teach myself more about divorce. I hate divorce. I am, myself, divorced. I did not want or desire this divorce. My husband divorced me because he wanted to be free to go with another woman he had already chosen. I still didn't want divorce. I think I know why, now. "Why" in words, and not just feelings. I was reading a book tonight in bed ( I get my best reading done in bed, when I can stay awake). The book is "Speak to My Heart, GOD" by Kay Arthur. She says,
"Do you know why God hates divorce?"
"For two definite reasons."
"First, because as Malachi mentions, marraige is a covenant, and covenants are not to be broken."
"God made a covenant with Israel, and because of it, Israel was not forsaken. God is a covenant-keeping God."
"God also made a covenant with the church, His bride, His body. That covenant is the new covenant in His blood which grants us grace that leads to eternal life."
"God hates divorce because it is the breaking of a covenant."
"Second, God hates divorce because marraige is a picture of our covenant union with the Lord Jesus Christ."
"Earthly marraiges are to be a picture of our heavenly marraige to Him. So God hates divorce because it distorts His eternal committment to us: He will never leave us or forsake us."
"Think on it Beloved...and never entertain the thought (of divorce) again."
The scripture in Malachi is chapter 2: 13-16.
I didn't want my husband to ever think that I would ever forsake him or leave him. For any reason. I know that divorce is permissable when infidelity is present. I just couldn't see it, tho. To me, and apparently to God, marraige is for the good of one's partner, not oneself. Marraige is born of a deep love for the other person, and when true difficulties arise within that marraige, a Christian has no other Bibical choice but to love the offending partner with the love of God. I believe the partner that knows God should be an example to the offending partner of the way God sees him--or her. God's love should flow thru the Christian to his or her mate. I was not always successful at this, and I regret that, but in the end, I did not want to hurt this man. At all. I wanted to keep this covenant with him, and I was actually fearful of offending God in this instance. Divorce is serious business, with all kinds of dismal side effects for everyone involved. As I saw it, my first committment was to God, to be obedient to Him, and next, my committment to my husband. The Bible says that when an unbelieving partner chooses to leave the Christian, the Christian should allow that decision to be carried thro. So I did that.
My father was obedient to God's idea of covenant-keeping, also. My mother became unbalanced--for whatever reason--and my father tho't of divorce at one time. I was 20 at the time, and still living at home. He discussed this with me, and asked my advice. I told him that noone would love Mother the way we do, and she would just get tossed away if she remarried. The new husband would not be able to love her as Daddy did, or her children. Daddy stayed with Mother to the end, and not grudgingly, but loved her with all his heart. She wasn't easy to live with at all, but Daddy bore the easier times with the difficult times. I am so proud of my father. He put his own happiness second to Mother's, and came out first place winner!
Thanks for allowing me to air these tho'ts about divorce. Divorce will always be a subject of inquest for me, I will never approve it under any conditions. But now I know "why" a little better. Have a good night! Janis